Women's Concerns about Practices of Abusive Men

Sister Iman

Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatu Allah Ta'ala wa barakatuh

I understand your frustration with women's concerns, especially about practices of abusive Men.  The answer is:

The sad story is that hypocrites and wrongdoers have been among Muslims since the time of the Prophet MOHAMMAD PBUH and they are among us and there will be until the Day of Judgment; and if this type of people are the ones who commit these sinful acts against women or are the ones in control of the laws and judicial systems, then that’s enough to answers the concerns in your article.  But don’t worry too much about these sinners; the angels are recording their actions; and you know very well the destiny of sinners:

54. When those who believe in Our Ayat (proofs, evidences, verses, lessons, signs, revelations, etc.) come to you, say: "Salamun Alaikum" (peace be on you); your Lord has written Mercy for Himself, so that, if any of you does evil in ignorance, and thereafter repents and does righteous good deeds (by obeying Allah), then surely, He is OftForgiving, Most Merciful.

55. And thus do We explain the Ayat (proofs, evidences, verses, lessons, signs, revelations, etc.) in detail, that the way of the Mujrimun (criminals, polytheists, sinners), may become manifest.

Al-Anaam 

147. If they belie you (MOHAMMAD SAW) say: "Your Lord is the Owner of Vast Mercy, and never will His Wrath be turned back from the people who are Mujrimoon (criminals, polytheists, sinners, etc.)."

Al-Anaam 

So don’t worry too much about them; I sometimes worry too much that some Muslims are not following Islam correctly with all the Iman (belief) branches or the good morals or fine and beautiful manners, but in the end I remember the verse:

3. It may be that you (O MOHAMMAD SAW) are going to kill yourself with grief, that they do not become believers.

Ash-Shuara 

Of course we have to worry:

-         Worry about improving the Muslims’ situation and stopping oppression and not leaving the control to the wrongdoers; but

-         Not the worry that we can change the situation over-night; it’s going to take time, and also

-         Not the worry that we can change the hearts of wrongdoers. 

So that was a brief answer to the concerns in your article.  By the way, it's good that you brought up these issues. 

To explain this in detail; keep in mind the saying: "القرآن حجة على الناس والناس ليسوا حجة على القرآن" which means in English: "The Koran is a witness for or against People, but people are not a witness for or against Koran."

So think of the Muslims of today as a mix between pious, God-fearing, righteous, believers, new Muslims, Old, young, stubborn, ignorant, careless, hypocrites, oppressors... and living with each other in the same city or community or even within the same family; they work with each other, some control others, they have daily dealing among themselves…

Each one of these types of Muslims have different goals or worries or concerns; some try to get closer to Allah, some are trying to improve the situation of the Muslim society, others' worry is just to take care of the family and live a happy life... but yet many others main worry is to try to be better than others in worldly belongings, others try to cheat or steal for the sake of materialistic status or because of laziness, others try to seduce men or women for the sake of sexual pleasure, others like to create hatred between Muslims, others like that (the crime of) illegal sexual intercourse should be propagated among those who believe, other's goal is to get positions of power or control whether they deserve it or not and when they get it they don't care if they are just to people or not...; but yet there are still others who are making a big JIHAD (struggle) in teaching and preaching to Muslims the compassion of ISLAM and the merciful ways in our religion and the good manners and the great characters of the Prophet MOHAMMAD PBUH and his wives and companions... 

If you put this picture in your mind you can clearly see a mix between good and bad treatment of women and men also.  Those who did well may Allah accept from them; and those who did bad they need to seek forgiveness and repentance (we ask Allah to help them in this act) because all humans are sinners, and they may, at any time choose to change and come back to Allah. True Tawbah (repentance) means that one's Istighfar (asking forgiveness) changed their heart and being. This is what all of us should seek. Allah accepts the repentance from his servants if they are sincere.  Even if we have sinned so much, we must always call upon Allah, for we cannot live without His blessings and sustenance.  In fact, not to make Duaa is another sin, which angers Allah. So if one fears that his Duaa may not be answered because of sins, let him begin his Duaa with Istighfar and its conditions of acceptance are the following:

1. Immediately stop the sin and anything related to it

2. Regret what you did sincerely

3. Promise never to return to that sin

If it is between you and another person, then also:

4. Ask their forgiveness

In other words these people who did bad are going through a test in their lives and need to pass that test (a test that will either earn them a reward or a sin, a test that will either raise their level of IMAN (faith) or lower their level of IMAN). 

We have made that which is on earth as an adoration for it. In order that We may test them as to which of them is best in deeds. (Al-Mulk)

Some will pass that test, others won’t.  In fact all of us are going through a test in every moment of our life.  So we have to be very careful and ask Allah to help us pass these tests.  And if all of us watch ourselves every single moment to do what’s right, and watch every step we take, and make sure that every action we do is:

1. For the sake of Allah and

2. According to the Prophet MOHAMMAD PBUH. 

Then we will become better Muslims and our society will become a better one.  In fact Alhamdu Lillah, nowadays Muslims are coming back to their faith and Islamic manners and many are trying hard to get closer to Allah.  That’s why we hear about the Islamic awakening, and our societies are getting better and better by the will of Allah.  We just have to be patient enough to wait till the day when many of us will become more mature and more fearful of Allah and more practicing of the SUNNA (teachings) of the Prophet MOHAMMAD PBUH and trying to avoid all acts that don’t please Allah or the acts that are not according to the way of Prophet MOHAMMAD PBUH.  We just need a lot of patience till we get to those promised days when ISLAM will prevail and justice will dominate and more Muslims will be going forward with the slogan of the great companion “Rubii Ibn Aamer” when he addressed “Rustum” the leader of Persia at that time: “ALLAH sent us to bring the bondsmen (slaves) out of the worship of bondsmen to the worship of the Lord of bondsmen, and out of the injustice of religions to the justice of ISLAM, and out of the distress and narrowness of this world to the vastness of this world and the next world.”

It’s this patience that you need sister IMAN and that all of us need to carry out the plan and work hard and not worry about the results in this world because what really counts is the results of the next world: what has each one of us prepared for him/her place in the hereafter? Which level in heaven I have worked for?  We only have a few years left before death; and it’s only one life that we got; we don’t want to wait till this only chance is over.  But as far as worldly results go, ISLAM is spreading Alhamdu Lillah and Muslims are going back to their religion and injustice is going away little by little and justice is coming back in Shaa Allah. 

Another factor to keep in mind is that not only that the media focuses most of the time on the bad stories about behaviors with spouses or the misuse of Islamic rulings or punishment, but also the good stories are usually hidden for many reasons:

- Righteous Muslims usually try to hide their good deeds, in order to avoid showing off. 

- When matters go according to Islam (which is usually the case) people don’t talk about those matters any more and they get indulged in their other affairs.  It’s only when things go wrong or not according to Islam is when people talk about it.  

- The spouses who are kindly treated (and many of them are kindly treated in the Muslim lands) do not go out and tell the media or tell others about the happiness they are living in.  For many of them this will count as bragging depending on the intention, although there are very few who express in public this happiness with the intention to show the rest of the world how honored their lives are and how many blessings they have in their life; I even think that the others should take the time and express this in public to improve the image of Islam; by the way, many women in Islam prefer not to work and leave their children to a babysitter, they would rather prefer to raise their children with their own hands in which case the husband is required to provide for the hole family, this gives a great privilege to women in Islam than women in other religions or cultures. 

Keep in mind that if the bad stories were more than the good stories, the Muslim societies would have collapsed a long time ago, and you will hear bad stories every day (which is not the case).  So the reality is not as bad as you think.  In fact, it's really much more peaceful in many families and communities in the Muslim lands than in the western world (where there is murder crimes, suicide, open adultery and all the diseases that come from that, and the bad environments where children grow up that results from that, and the life style that’s based on worldly gain and the selfish mentality that results from that, as well as the busy lifestyle that results from that which doesn’t leave almost any time to build the next life…). 

Again think of those who commit these bad acts against women as sinners and that they would have to ask an apology from those women and they would have to repent and ask Allah forgiveness, otherwise their destiny would be (and Allah knows best their destiny). 

“And fear Allah much and know that Allah is Severe in punishment.” (Chapter #2 Al-Baqarah, Verse #196)

And Allah is the most Merciful, the Oft-Forgiving, may Allah forgive all of us. 

I ask Allah to forgive me for any thing that I said wrong because of my own shortcomings or lack of knowledge, and anything that is good and true is due only to the grace of Allah; we praise and thank Him and seek His help and forgiveness. 

May peace and blessings of Allah be upon His Prophet MOHAMMAD PBUH and his family and his companions. 

Glorified be your Lord, the Lord of Honour and Power! (He is free) from what they attribute unto Him!

And peace be on the Messengers!

And all the praise and thanks be to Allah, Lord of the Alameen (mankind, jinns and all that exists).

1 "Verily, those who like that (the crime of) illegal sexual intercourse should be propagated among those who believe, they will have a painful torment in this world and in the Hereafter. And Allah knows and you know not."  (Chapter #24 An-Noor, Verse #19)

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Authored by:

Salaheddine Elhassani

Content Writer for https://www.beneficence.us

June 02, 2005